so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
