I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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