Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
