and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
