Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
