32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
