and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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