dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
