i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
