Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
