all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
