that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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