LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
