I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
