Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
