you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
