nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This baby is an asshole
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
