oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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