I smell stomach acid.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
