"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
