Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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