her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
