Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
