whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
