I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
