4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
