we're blogging at a bar
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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