Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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