the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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