i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
