how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
