help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We have started to decorate penises.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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