dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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