The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
