I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
