Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
