I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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