Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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