so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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