I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Randomize
