I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
