Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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