Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
