I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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