we have officially lost it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
