just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
