my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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