hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
