she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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