i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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